Stop Pulling the Wagon

I have been encouraged to share some of my earlier articles from time to time.  The following humor piece is from 2012 and describes my idea of a nearly perfect government structure and organization.  Just for fun.

THE NEARLY PERFECT NATION OF BOB

A KIND OF “WISH LIST”?

If I wanted to design the “perfect” place to live, and, if it did not matter how many folks I managed to infuriate and alienate in the process,  it would look something like this:

1. Government taxes at all levels could not exceed 10%.  I don’t think the government should ask for more than God does.  Everybody would pay the same rate of taxes.  The more you earn, the more you pay but the rate is the same.

2. Government would be forbidden budget deficits unless our nation faced invasion from a hostile foreign enemy.  At the time of this writing I cannot imagine a foreign government that would want to invade our country and assume our debt and problems.

3. All government services, except maybe national defense, would be put out to bid to private industry with specific performance requirements for payment and penalties for poor performance.  We might want to consider contracting out management of our national defense to Israel.

4. Those people and attorneys who file lawsuits and lose their case in court must pay the legal fees of the party they are suing.

5.  Convicted Felons:  First time offenders would spend their time in prison stateside in a cell watching and listening to endless re-runs of “Barney the Purple Dinosaur” (I love you, you love me etc.). Any time outside the cell would be in a physical labor environment (in pink jumpsuits).  Second time offenders would earn a trip to spend their time in a Mexican prison.  Three time losers would spend their prison terms in North Korea.  I am sure both Mexico and North Korea would be happy to provide the service at less than half what we taxpayers pay to maintain prisoners.  Surviving felons who commit a fourth offense will be parachuted into Taliban Country in Afghanistan armed with a Bible.

6. “Public” schools would be contracted and attendance based on parental choice of school.  Uniforms and discipline with specific requirements for advancement and graduation.  Students not compliant with specific disciplinary and learning requirements would be placed in alternative career/trade school or military “opportunity” environments.

7.  Those citizens with real, medically diagnosed, physical or mental illness would be provided basic needs which would include medical care.  Drug testing mandatory for all public assistance.

8. Both parents of a child are responsible for providing for the needs of the children they bring into the world.  Public assistance provided only with drug testing and mandatory work requirements.  No food stamp credit cards.  Food provided on the basis of basic dietary requirements.  Violation of the rules would terminate participation in any public program and removal of children to supervised foster care.  Parents who drop out of the program will receive mandatory parental training at the North Korean or Iranian  re-education camp of their choice.

9. All public officials must live under the same laws, regulations and programs (such as Social Security and Healthcare) that they impose on all other citizens.  No exceptions and no exemptions.

10. Public employees would work under specific work contracts with clearly defined and limited benefits including defined retirement (401k type) contribution plans.  No lifetime pension and health care benefits.

I think I will stop here as I have probably managed to anger and alienate enough people for one article.  Are those torches and pitchforks I see out in the street in front of my house?

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Come on, you know you want to smile at least a little!

Bob Bandy  (redux August 2021)

Some Times We Can’t Decide Whether To

Laugh or Cry or Scream in Frustration

Every time we think things could not get worse

in our nations Capitol, They get worse.

Poor Joe Biden.  Members of our Presidents own Political Party are beginning to view him as “well past his best if used by date”.  Sort of like that dish of tuna and noodle casserole you left in the back of the refrigerator……  two months ago.

President Biden began his career as a Political Prodigy at a prestigious college where, many believe, he earned a Masters Degree in Plagiarism  and a Doctors Degree in Prevarication  before launching his career as a Senator who became a Vice President and now President. 

Along the way he tamed the town bully with his steely eyed glare.  In fairness it must be remembered that Corn Pop had been warned that Young Joe was a Third Degree Black Belt Plagiarist.

Tough as nails Joe also was at Teddy Roosevelts side as they charged up San Juan Hill during the Spanish American War.

Working man Joe also managed to make time for careers in, among other things, Long Haul 18 Wheel Truck Driving and working deep beneath the earth as a “Hard Rock” Coal Miner.  Truly a man of many talents.

Building his reputation for inter-racial relations, Joe studied at the knee of his long time friend and idealogical soul mate, Democratic Senator Robert Byrd from West Virginia, a confidant and counselor with a long history in public and private service, including serving as a Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.  From his friend Senator Byrd, then Senator Biden seems to have gotten his foundational knowledge in Critical Race Theory.

Serving with our President is his Vice President Kamala Harris who has become nearly invisible and being kept out of the public eye.

Her “Goodwill” trip to Central America was a political and media disaster with large crowds telling her to “Go Home”.  Poor Joe, not much help here. The mainstream media has shown one photo of  Kamala & her husband kissing.  Both wearing a mask.  Take that where you will.  But as Joe would say “Come on man!”

Other players in the White House Team include Anthony J. Blinken playing the part of Secretary of State.  I was always of the belief that the Secretary of States job was to be a Cheerleader for the United States, making sure our interests were protected worldwide and spokesman for all that is good about the United States.  Secretary Blinken seems to be carrying on the Obama worldwide apology tour and going “hat in hand” to the United Nations begging for forgiveness for our (non-existent) Systemic Racism. 

Other members of the Biden “team” include Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and Army General Mark A. Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.  A sort of “Frick & Frack” twosome of  Critical Race Theory “Kool-Aid” drinkers.  Both bent on turning the best fighting force in the world into a band of “hand-wringing” apologists for America’s greatness.  If I were still in the military (see closing comments), I would be ashamed  to serve under either of them.   

Closing Comments

On a more serious note and in closing I will share my own experience while in the Military.  I spent ten years total in the Army National Guard.  Six of those years in a Combat Infantry Unit and four years in a Medical Brigade.  In all of those years I do not remember there ever being a single instance of anything resembling a “racial” issue.  I served with members of all colors and all races.  We were soldiers.  Not white soldiers or black soldiers or brown  soldiers or oriental soldiers.  Just soldiers.  We served together, slept together, ate together and had each others back.  When we were called into a riot situation we stood shoulder to shoulder, color did not matter, in our minds we were all “green”.   To this day if I visit a military hospital or other place of service, I feel a kinship, comradery and spirit of belonging. 

In my world if I have a problem with someone, it is personal, race is never an issue.

Bob Bandy – August 2021

It is obvious to folks of all political persuasions that our President, Joe Biden’s mental acuity is fading rapidly.  I say this not in derision but in some measure of pity.  

Soon, members of his ruling party will need to make a decision to invoke the 25th Amendment to the Constitution regarding incompetency of the President.  I would guess this decision is on the near horizon and will be exercised sooner rather than later.

When that happens the Vice President, Kamala Harris will be sworn in as President. 

This is a person who also ran for President but did not secure a single delegate in the primary races.  She was unable even to carry her home state of California.  Her former paramour,  Willie Brown, previously California State Assembly Leader and San Francisco Mayor, would not endorse her.  She does not have the backing of a significant portion of the Democratic Party.

Many believe that though Joe Biden supposedly chose her for a running mate because she “checked off two boxes” as both a woman and “minority’,  the real reason he chose her is because he perceived her to be an even weaker leader than he is.

If placed in the Presidency we can expect President Kamala Harris to begin to fade away in a very short time. The powers that be in her party will need to find a way to give her a final “nudge” to the sidelines.  Perhaps with help from the Bill & Hillary Cartel.  Or, perchance you think Hillary will look with favor on Kamala becoming the first woman president?  The Clinton’s have a knack for making no longer wanted folks to exit stage left.

When this happens, and I don’t expect a lengthy time in the Oval Office for Ms. Harris,  the party will need to again invoke that convenient 25th Amendment and remove her from office.  

Lets see.  Under the Constitution who is next in line for the Presidency?

Drum Roll please………….

You got it.  The Speaker of the House of Representatives.  Nancy Pelosi.

Timing is of the essence.  Keep in mind the Democrats need to complete this plan of succession before the 2022 mid-term elections when it is just possible they might lose control of the House of Representatives. 

Anybody out there want to try and convince me that this was not the Party Plan from the beginning?

Are you scared yet.  

Bob Bandy – July 2021

The Biden Administration recently announced they were forming a new department within the Justice Department.  A “Pre-Crime Investigation Bureau”.  The goal of this new agency is to identify, investigate and monitor individuals and groups who might engage in activities that would threaten the tenure of those in power. 

A sort of Americanized version of the KGB or other “Secret Police” type internal “Spy Network”.  North Korea, eat your heart out.  In this way they can target and eliminate individuals and groups that don’t agree with their Utopian Progressive Movement before those individuals or groups can act.

They will be “making a list and checking it twice” to make sure you and I don’t wobble from the official government dogma.

For example:  Were you ever a Donald Trump supporter?  You just made the list.  Were you now or ever a neighbor of a Donald Trump supporter? Bingo!  Were you ever at a Trump Rally?  Gotcha!  

Ever been to one of those Pro-Second Amendment Rally’s?   Home run, move to the top of the list.   

Are you a supporter of requiring voters to provide identification at the polling booth?  That will make you an instant target of investigation.

Are you one of those that believe “Critical Race Theory” should not be “force fed” to our children, is divisive and in fact a textbook definition of Racism in and of itself?  Expect a visit from a “Pre-Crime SWAT Team”.

If you are suspected of any of the above, or numerous other Anti-Progressive – dare I say Marxist – violations of the ruling Party’s ideology, you can expect a very thorough “anal” examination of your life and movements. 

Remember, “Big Brother” has their spy’s, cameras and microphones everywhere, including in your home.  Is that really just a regular mirror or is there  a camera or spy behind it?  Is there a microphone in that flower pot?  Is that a Sparrow on the window sill or one of those new drones?  Had a feud with relative or neighbor who just might share one of your “sins” with some “friendly” government agent or agency?

You see, now you no longer need to commit a crime to be investigated or prosecuted.  Government plans to “nip it in the bud” by taking you out while its still in the Pre-Crime state.  You may not have committed that crime but “Big Brother” knows you will commit a crime,  you just don’t know it yet.

Of course the Biden Administration is only doing all this for your own good.

Feel better now?  Maybe you might want to share this good news with a neighbor or friend. 

Or, you or they can just Google:  Biden Pre-Crime 

Wait!  Is that a Bull-horn I hear out front?

Bob Bandy – June 2021

Washington D.C.

“YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MORE WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY”

Obi-Wan Kenobi at Mos Eisley Spaceport

(1977 Star Wars IV)

Watching Star Wars IV with my wife the other night for the umpteenth time, I was again amused at Obi-Wan Kenobi’s comment to Luke Skywalker on their arrival at the Mos Eisley Spaceport.  Obviously Obi-Wan never visited Washington D.C..

Sometimes it is better to find humor and satire than it is to become despondent.

At this time our Nations Capitol is surrounded by a metal fence topped with razor wire and several thousand armed troops.

This leads to the question:  Are the troops there to keep the residents in or to keep we citizens out?

If it is to keep the residents confined in, then I applaud the action and would suggest we even add to this population inmates now occupying other jails and prison facilities from around the country.  I am sure all these folks would feel right at home and extend “Professional Courtesy” to one another since they share the same moral standards. The thieves, perjurers, scoundrels, snitches and riff-raff from the nations jails should find comfort and acceptance with the assortment of clowns, criminals, lunatics and riff-raff  who inhabit Congress.  A sort of mutual admiration society and win-win situation.

If the goal of the fencing and the troops is to keep “us” out,  one would have to wonder why?  Is there something they don’t want us to see?

Remember the Cantina scene in Star Wars IV?

Could this be our Congress at work?

Could that be Nancy Pelosi center stage behind the podium?

Just think of the opportunity of having the whole “Washington Cartel” of corrupt and morally bankrupt politicians “corralled” behind wire and troops in one place with the exits sealed.  Add to that the joy of them rubbing elbows with their “own kind” from jails and prisons around the country.  Something to dream about.

On a more serious note.

Right now, today, Congress seems bent on taking away rights guaranteed by the constitution – Free Speech for example. 

At this time, today, we still have the Right Guaranteed in the First and Fourteenth Amendment to Freedom of Association.

There are two types of freedom of association: the right to expressive association and the right to intimate association.

Additionally, the First Amendment protects a right to associate and a right not to associate together.

In “Country Boy English” this means I have the right to associate with those individuals, groups, businesses and organizations I want to associate with and equally important I have the right  to Not associate with individuals, groups, businesses and organizations I choose not to associate with for any reason I choose.

I look for Congress and various groups to try to reduce or eliminate this Right of Association but am hopeful any such effort by them might be one that would be hard to police and enforce.  For myself, I am prepared to take a stand on this Right of Association no matter the cost.

In the process of living in the current hostile environment coming out of our Nations Capitol, and sadly many States Capitols, I am encouraged by the lessons taught in that Classic Film:  Fiddler on the Roof.  The goal is to keep your faith and endure, all the while enjoying life to the fullest extent possible in a challenging environment.

Bob Bandy – March 2021

I have squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises,  all lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.                Paul Simon – The Boxer 1969

With full credit to the author and to the Babylon Bee.  I love it.

Author Frank T Rutherford hits the nail on the head with this piece.

Op-Ed: Today’s Youth Simply Don’t Have The Work Ethic To Build The Gulags Needed For Their Communist Ideals

When I was young, there wasn’t nothing scarier than the Commies. They were out there, waiting to destroy all freedom and destroy all the world in a nuclear holocaust. You know, a real problem — not like everyone worrying about it getting a couple degrees hotter because of some so-called global warming.

Now, we thought we ended Communism in the ’80s, thought we strangled the last of them for their bad economic ideas, but we were wrong. Because we raised our kids wrong (part of letting everyone go hatless), they’ve started to embrace Communism. Suddenly we got Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in government — full of Commie evil — and the red menace is back.

Initially, I was excited. After Communism, we didn’t really have a good enemy. No one thought them Islamic terrorists were going to actually take over the world. Communists are a real enemy — worthy of America — but then all my hopes were dashed when I took a good look at these new Commies.

They suck.

They’re all just a bunch of lazy, whiny morons. I mean, the Commies of old were stupid and evil, but they at least knew enough to be a threat, like how to build a gulag. I doubt these Commies could build a desk from IKEA without having their mom help them. And they ain’t building no nuclear bombs, because they haven’t read any books on nuclear physics. I doubt they’ve even actually read Marx — ‘cause it ain’t got no wizarding school in it. All these Commies want to do is whine about how they have to pay rent.

Could you imagine Rambo going after these Commies? They’d just be running for their safe spaces. They ain’t going to take over the world; I doubt that Ocasio-Cortez could tie her own shoes without making a mess of it. And they ain’t going to execute dissidents — they’re just going to get you kicked off Twitter then order themselves some avocado toast and call it a day. They are a disgrace to the Commies from the good old days — whom I hated but have respect for.

What those Commies need to do is stop shouting about Russia and Trump and go talk to Putin and ask him nicely how to be big, good, scary Commies. They need to put down their phones and stop their tick-tocking and learn how to be proper, evil Commies — the threat America deserves. And then they need to come back here and try to destroy this country and its freedoms properly — Red Dawn style — so we can have the big war against Commies this country needs.

They need some self-respect. And then I’ll finally strangle them. For being Commies.