Stop Pulling the Wagon

Recently while watching a documentary on prisons and prisoners, I saw a prisoner with “MOMMA TRIED” tattooed across his chest.

It got me to thinking. And, no I am not talking about the unfortunate homeless living on the streets.

I am talking about the City Administrators of these cities, like San Francisco, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland and, yes, sadly Sacramento and too many others.

Yesterday, I heard on the news that San Francisco was going to provide elevator operators in buildings because the “homeless” have been using elevators as public toilets.

I am ashamed to admit that in a moment of anger I would like to take these so-called “Administrators” and “Guardians” of their citizenry, and have “MOMMA TRIED” tattooed across their foreheads.

Their first duty is to provide the citizens of their city with safety in a clean, healthy environment – not hold meetings and talk about grandiose plans which will cost a gazillion more taxpayer dollars and in the end not produce the desired result. I have heard on the news that the State of Washington has spent a Billion (with a “B”) Dollars on homeless plans and the situation on the streets of Seattle are, if anything, worse.

Here is a two step plan to clean the streets:

First, provide Charter Buses to relocate these poor, miserable people living in filth and degradation to new, clean and prosperous locales. May I suggest places like Marin County (home of Nancy Pelosi), Malibu, Brentwood, Beverly Hills, Hollywood and other places filled with those smart, politically connected folks who believe they have all the answers for all problems. Be sure they arrive with a nice box lunch, map of the area of their new “home” and a crisp new $100 bill.

Second, using scrapers, loaders and dump trucks, remove the debris and trash from the streets. Then Fire Hose the remaining human waste and filth into a containment location (similar to the ones required on construction sites) and have it “sucked” up and disposed of in a sanitation facility. Preferably one in Marin County etc..

After completing these steps put up signs (in multiple languages) that henceforth the streets will be water-blasted on a regular basis for public health and safety reasons on an unannounced basis as needed. Then do it.

Problem solved at far less cost than all those “solutions” provided by those “Administrator” meetings.

Sorry about the “MOMMA TRIED” tattoo crack. Most of those Administrators foreheads are probably too narrow for it anyway.

Bob Bandy – August 2019

I am often asked where I get ideas for the articles I write. If there is a problem, it is that too many ideas come my way. The media and daily news are an “Opportunity Rich Environment” for writers like myself.

Especially now, with next year being a Presidential Election Year, we have every “wannabe” trying to outdo every other “wannabe” by going farther and farther into the fringes to try to gain attention.

Just a few examples:

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At last weekends Democratic Socialists of America Convention attendees were instructed to wave “Jazz Hands” because the sound of clapping could be offensive to some. Likewise, attendees were instructed to address others only in “Gender Neutral” terms. They were also told to not use “Aggressive Scents” and not to talk to “Outsiders” or “Cops”. There was more.

Reminds me of the College Students in the news a year or so ago. The ones needing “safe” places on campus because they were “fragile”. I think many referred to them as “snowflakes”.

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In the last Democratic Presidential Debate, Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang stated that it is already too late to reverse Global Climate Change and we should be moving the population to “Higher Ground”. This in addition to his plan to provide a universal income of $1000 per month for everyone. He says his plan will be paid for by a new “Value Added Tax” which will return the money to Government.

Want some cheap beach front property anyone?

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Following the mass shootings at El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio our Nations Flags were ordered flown at half mast in the Nations Capitol. In an interview following the announcement, a former “FBI Assistant Director”, Frank Figliuzzi told “Tabloid News Media” MSNBC Anchor Brian Williams, “The numbers 88 are very significant in the Neo-Nazi and the White Supremacy movement. Why? Because the letter ‘H’ is the eighth letter of the alphabet, and to them the numbers 88 together stand for ‘Heil Hitler.’ So we’re going to be raising the flag back up at dusk on 8/8,” (August 8th – the 8th day of the 8th month).

National Enquirer, eat your heart out.

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If I tried, I could not create better material, you just can’t make stuff like this up. The inmates are taking charge of the asylum.

Bob Bandy – August 2019

photo – Yahoo News

The Democratic Presidential Debates

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All participants agreed in principal to the following:

First, Donald Trump is the Firstborn Son of Satan and has destroyed the United States.  He must be put in jail either before his term ends through impeachment or after leaving office following conviction by a mob…. er …. Kangaroo Court with a jury comprised of Hollywood Celebrities.  Aw shucks, who needs a jury, somebody get a rope!

All immigrants from anywhere in the world are welcome here without the need of paperwork,  identification, background checks, health checks, or any other documentation.  All borders should be open without restrictions and the current policing force will be replaced with a kind of “Welcome Wagon” for all comers including instructions on how to acquire free housing, free food, free healthcare, etc.  Authors Note:  Maybe this information could be shared with the homeless living on the streets of Los Angeles, San Francisco, Sacramento, Portland, Seattle, etc. ??

Everybody, whether citizen or not, is entitled to “free” lifetime healthcare.  Authors Note:  Many candidates called for “Medicare For All” without noting that Medicare is not “free”, at least to current participants.

Free College for everyone (citizens and non-citizens) with the added bonus of debt forgiveness for some 1.5 Trillion Dollars in outstanding Student Loans.

Unrestricted “Free” abortion for all with one candidate calling for free abortion for Transgender males who become pregnant.  It was left unclear how long after natural birth the mother could still elect to abort the child, a few hours, a few days, third grade? 

The planet only has 12 years left unless all Americans immediately discontinue all use of fossil fuels and convert to only electric powered vehicles.  No mention was made that to re-charge an all electric vehicle you must “plug in” to the power grid which is incapable of completing this task if  said power grid is totally sourced by solar and wind power, at least within the next 30-50 years.  

I look forward to the day when all working Americans get home from work on a July day when it is 105 degrees, plug their electric vehicles in for a re-charge and then walk into their air conditioned home during the hottest part of the day.

It was also not mentioned that the World’s major polluters (beginning with China & India) have “deferred” there own participation in the Paris Climate Accords till “at least” 2030 or beyond.   Further, there is no mechanism in place requiring penalties or enforceable legal consequences on any participating country who ignores these “feel good” “Global Accords”.

One participant unveiled his plan to give every resident in America (legal citizens and non-citizens) $1000 per month.  When asked how this would be paid for he said with a “value added” tax paid for by everyone which would return the money to government – at least that is what I heard.

Lots of other “free” stuff all to be paid for by taxing the greedy rich and corporations.  Authors note:  You could not pay for all of these “freebies” if you taxed all of the rich at 100% and it is also a fact that corporations don’t really pay taxes, their customers do.  Corporations pass along tax increases to their customers in the form of higher prices….  they have to, or go out of business.

Santa Claus may as well close up shop and lay off his Reindeer – He can’t compete with this bunch!

Did I miss something?

Bob Bandy – July 2019

THE MUELLER REPORT 2.0

Starring

ROBERT DE NIRO 

I saw a video presentation on television featuring Robert De Niro with a cast of other mostly “has been” or “who cares” little known Hollywood personalities explaining that if you carefully read the entire Mueller Report there was plenty of evidence of Trump collusion with the Russian’s.  You just have to read it very slowly and “read between the lines”.  

Never mind that Robert Mueller and his band of overpaid “investigators” clearly said in his much anticipated report that there was no collusion.

The whole scene gave me mental images of Robert De Niro sitting in his robe and slippers at the Shady Acres Home for Washed Up Actors watching endless grainy re-runs of Raging Bull while the staff is trying to get him to take his medicine to stop his profane tirades.

I am having visions of a Hollywood Production with a re-write of the Mueller Report and this time it comes out the way Hollywood wanted it to and Donald Trump is “frog marched” off to prison for imagined crimes. 

Robert DeNiro can play the part of Robert Mueller and Alec Baldwin can re-play his Saturday Night Live portrayal of Donald Trump.  

There is no shortage of other Hollywood “wannabes” to fill in the supporting roles.

Writing the script should be easy.  Just avoid words with more than two syllables and let Robert De Niro and Alec Baldwin run wild with their imaginations.  If you subtract the “F” word from their musings, neither of them have much of a vocabulary to work with.

I can’t be the only person in the country that is sick of the media trotting out “Shopworn Hollywood Celebrities” who want to tell me what my political views ought to be and how I should live my life.  Frankly, I don’t care what they think and their “I’m smarter than you” attitude just turns me off.  

I have some news for them.  Just because you played a doctor in a movie or on a televisions series does not mean I want you as my doctor.

Bob Bandy 

June 2019

 

 

California Governor Gavin Newsom

 

One of my most popular articles is a “quazi spoof” piece, reprinted below, about new taxes in California. I wrote it in 2017 but obviously then Governor Jerry Brown did not “pick up” on the opportunity and implement them.  

California’s new Governor, Gavin Newsom,  has a reputation for being even more aggressive and seems to be endlessly looking for new ways to squeeze dollars out of California residents while on a mission to increase “revenues” to spend on his Progressive Agenda.  Perhaps he will pick up where Governor Brown failed to act.

Let’s see what happens.

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Fair Share Taxes And Global Climate Change

I have information from reliable but nameless and secret sources that the State of California is very near announcement of a two fold plan for a Fair Share Universal Tax to help fund the War on Global Climate Change.

First, in recognition that exhaling releases carbon dioxide gas which is a contributor to Global Climate Change,  every resident or visitor to the State of California will be required to have a micro chip implant that will both monitor and report each time they exhale to the State of California.

This data will be forwarded to the Franchise Tax Board who will calculate the tax due and be responsible for collecting the scheduled tax from “Breathers”.  At the time of this writing the tax rate being considered is one tenth of a cent per exhale.  This may seem  a paltry sum until one calculates that the average adult respiratory rate is about 15 times per minute or 900 times per hour.  Do a little math and the average cost of exhaling in California will be about 90 cents an hour or $21.60 a day.

This tax can be avoided by simply no longer exhaling and residents and visitors can take comfort in the fact that inhaling is still free.  At least for now.

For the Second phase of this battle consideration is being given to the fact that methane is also a contributor to Global Climate Change and it is the responsibility of all of us to pay our Fair Share Tax in the battle to monitor and reduce the release of this gas into California’s breathable air resources.

It is also a scientific fact that flatulence is a major contributor to the release of methane into the atmosphere. Therefore, California is creating a new agency to monitor and tax the unwanted release of this gas.  To fund this Board and its employees a new source of revenue will be created through the establishment of a Flatulence Air Resource Tax.

Under development is a new monitoring device to be worn by all residents and visitors on the rear upper portion of the thigh which will sense, tabulate and report to the Board all releases of methane gas by the wearer.

The Board will then forward this information to the California Franchise Tax Board who will be responsible for billing and collecting the approved tax.  At this writing a rate of $1.00 per release is under consideration.  Think of it as an exhaust gas tax.

Taxpayers can avoid this tax by simply not releasing any methane gas through the monitored process.

The State agency for this Board is reporting some difficulty in recruiting, hiring and training workers who will be responsible for checking and monitoring individuals at random to be sure they are wearing the methane release and sound monitoring device and that it is working properly.

Formal announcement of this new Fair Share Tax and implementation of monitoring should be released through the media within the next 60 days.

All tax rates are subject to review and increase depending on Battlefield Assessment Reports from the ongoing War against Global Climate Change and subject to review and correction by former Vice President Al Gore.

What could possibly go wrong?

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Bob Bandy

June 2019